haha... So After reading over what I wrote last night/ this morning, I realized that it was even more vague than the entry before it so I want to try to gain clarity on my thoughts.
Recently I have just been in awe of God's grace. I've been studying 1 Peter which seems to be nailing how much God is given me just in the first Chapter. It says, "In his[God] great mercy he has given us new brith into a living hope" (1 Peter 1:3). "...set your hope fully on the grace to be given you" (1 Peter 1:13).
After reading this, I have seen around me all the amazing things that he has blessed me with. It's been incredible. I feel that I'm constantly asking, 'why are you doing this?' Truely i don't feel that I deserve it, you know.
Then in the past two days I have felt this weight. I don't fully know where it's from but I'm beginning to figure it out. One thing is being reliant on God and his giftings in me. I don't feel I do what I fully can, in fear of hitting the 'roof'; in fear of failing. There are a few ways that I avoid that then and a lot of it is where I spend my time and what I spend it doing. That's something I have been working on for a while now with the whole not watching a movie thing.
As i kept looking in 1 Peter I hit something that didn't phase me as much the first time. 1 Peter 2:1-2 "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,..." the part that really hit me was 'grow up.' I don't want to take this out of context but i believe it's safe to say in my situation that God could just be telling me to 'grow up.' Take ownership in my giftings and the power that he's givin me. That I am not worthless, that I don't need to "embrace acusation' (thanks Shane and Shane for making that amazing song) but that I just need to "grow up."
The last thing is that in 1 Peter 1, it gives this proposed reaction to have 'joy'- "are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." I feel that through all of these trials that I should rejoice and be stoked at what God's doing in.
2 comments:
You know what is cool...joy in the Bible holds the meaning of "anticipation of what God has" or what God can bring about in a situation. I think of that everytime. Well I wanted to let you know weirdly that I started a blog as well a bit ago... http://caitlinoconnor.blogspot.com/
There isn't much on it but, there you go!
oops oh and this is one of my favorite quotes...
"The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."
- Frederick Buechner
Alright I'm leaving I promise!
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